I am writing further about self-confidence, since many of my coaching clients that sign up struggle with their self-confidence levels.
Self-confidence, as explained by the University of South Florida, is the attitude you have about your skills and abilities as a person; the trust you have in yourself and the acceptance of who you are as a person. Self-confidence is the ability to be in control of your life, acknowledging both your strengths and weaknesses. Self-confidence is not about bragging and thinking you are better than others.
Low self-confidence makes you doubt yourself; you become passive or submissive resulting in you feeling inferior to others. This in turn can make you feel unloved and sensitive to others criticism.
Here are some of the biggest self-confidence busters that you may have experienced:
Your relationships – when relationships go south and you feel it is all your fault. Another viewpoint you can take is that the relationships are there to teach you something. Find the lesson and move on. What did that relationship teach you?
The past – by not dealing with the things that happened in your past or childhood effectively, they can creep into your everyday life without you even being aware of them. Write about it as it happened, according to your own personal experience. Then rewrite it to create a specific meaning for you – you can rewrite your past so that you do not see yourself as a victim but as a CONQUEROR.
The opinions of others – many, and I mean many times we allow the opinions of others to become a truth for us. Take note: what others say - their opinions - are just viewpoints on a matter and not the truth. That is why an opinion is given and it is your choice whether you are going to take it and make it yours, or leave it for the birds. Again: an opinion given is just someones viewpoint and not a fact. The next time someone gives you their opinion on a matter, and it triggers a negative reaction in you, remind yourself: you don’t have to make their opinion your truth.
Chewing on the cud – or should I rather say ruminating on something which someone said or did. You ‘chew’ on it over and over in your mind. This can cause irrational thoughts to escalate and then you react to these thoughts, only to later experience deep regret. In most instances your thoughts make you overreact; the overreaction negatively affects your self-confidence and a vicious whirlpool of self-loathing sucks you in.
So here are some boosters to help you move up your self-confidence a level or two.
Just do it – do something kind, generous and loving for someone else. Give them a piece of you by either offering your service/s for free or doing volunteer work or offering your help when you see someone struggling. This is an instant self-confidence booster – give it a go!
Love 'you' for 'you' – there is only one 'you' so don’t compare yourself and your abilities with those around you. Accept where you are and put plans in place for where you want to go and for what you would like to achieve. Realise that you will find your own path in your own way because nobody has walked in your shoes. Just keep at it. Treat yourself with kindness and realise nobody, but nobody, is perfect.
Don’t give others the power to take away your sunshine – have you ever been outside on a sunny day and felt a shadow move over you as the sun moves behind a cloud? All of a sudden things are a bit gloomier until the sun comes out again. The same can be said if you give power to the negative people around you. Don’t allow them to overshadow you and make you feel worthless or despondent. Move back into the sunshine where you can bloom, where people can love an accept you for the unique you that you are.
Be brave –The only way to overcome fear is to do the thing you fear until the fear slowly disappears like fog in the early morning. Keep going one baby step at a time. Embrace your strengths and let them give you the courage to be brave. See obstacles as challenges that make you stronger. Be brave enough to be ‘you’ without wanting the approval or permission of others to be ‘you’. Be brave to slow down when things are intense. Be brave to set boundaries and to value yourself enough to not let others treat you with disrespect or disregard. Remember: you become overwhelmed with fear when you feel that everything is dependent on you and only you.
Your self-confidence levels are always changing depending on the circumstances you find yourself in. Whether you had enough sleep, whether you are eating healthy enough, whether you are getting enough exercise and fresh air and whether you are healthy or not.
Coaching can help you when you feel that your self-confidence has taken a fall.